Understanding who you are as a writer
Do you know who you are as a writer?
The past two months or so have really shown me who I am as a writer. I quit my job working in a healthcare office in mid-October, and I started writing full-time. In that time, plenty of things have happened that have affirmed I made the right choice in pursuing other opportunities. However, I’m painfully aware that what I want and who I am as a writer has evolved.
01
The Illusion
I think I’m a Writer (TM). I think I sit down at my desk with a pile of pens and beautiful notebooks and ideas, ideas that seem to constantly tumble around my brain, will flow out through my fingertips and Make Art (TM).
02
The Reality
I discovered that when I was working, my ideas swirled all day and were ready to come out by the time I sat down at my computer each night – hours after waking, working, and spending time wrangling kids. Now, when I have time, the words struggle to come. Ideas are still there, but the narrative hasn’t been gnawed on between patients.
03
External Factors
I realized external factors impact my writing more than I thought. An editor called a manuscript a “first draft” right before NaNoWriMo, and while that wouldn’t normally decimate my morale, it did this year. I still completed NaNo, but my heart wasn’t in it. I felt like I needed time to recover from it. That draft was a solid effort on my part, and I know it’s his place to critique it, but knowing it’s broken makes me doubt my ability to judge myself.
04
Moving Forward
My husband pointed out I’m in a rut. I knew that, of course, but when he said it I realized how obvious it was to everyone else. His suggestion: write something meaningless to exercise my brain. Then get to writing the story I want to tell. “More advice from non-writers” was my immediate thought. This morning, after trying out his suggestion, though, I realize how much more truth there was to his idea. He keeps saying my brain is a muscle that needs to be exercised like everything else, and maybe – for the first time – I see that I will make it through this rut, one prompt at a time.
You have to work to know who you are.
I don’t know who I will be as a writer. Today, though, I can still write, and thus, I’m a writer.
